I sometimes ask myself how a guy like myself can be so lucky, as to find a great wife like mine. I evaluate myself from time to time and wonder what it was about me, myself and I that attracted her. I have never been a good looking guy. My attraction by women has normally been non-existent and even if a woman were to hit on me, I probably wouldn’t know it. I have always been skinny or fat and I never had money or vehicles that would turn a woman’s eye. I know it was true love and the hand of God that brought the two of us together.
On the other hand, however, I look at a guy like my good friend Buddy Hall and understand that as a young man he had everything a woman would desire --- the looks, the money, great job and he caught the love of his life. Now Buddy and Ruby Begonia a.k.a Caroline Hall are celebrating fifty five years of marriage. Even though I enjoy harassing them, I feel like both of them are family. Congratulations to both of ya’ll!
Now I know that I said women are not normally attracted to me for my outwardly appearance, but another event has made me to wonder.
Last week I shared with you the story of a woman who proceeded to sit on my fist in a very unusual manner. I was attending a concert many years ago.
During one of the songs the lady next to me decided she needed to get something from her purse that had been placed under her seat. She was standing during a song and I was sitting. She was on my right. I was in my chair with my right fist on my right knee keeping time with the music, when I turned my head to the left to look at something. As my head is turned, this lady on my right turns her body parallel to the aisle, with her bottom towards me and I suddenly felt something come over my fist. As I turned my head back to observe the split second event this woman was actually sitting on my fist and seemed completely oblivious to the very uncomfortable situation she put me in! It was not a slight touch of my fist but a very pronounced sitting and moving about while digging in her purse under the seat! “
I was sitting there in a cold sweat for a good fifteen seconds or so and this lady seemed to be totally oblivious to the position of her lower extremities and to the obvious tightened up fist below her, her --- well, you get the picture!
About two or three weeks ago I decided to go see Joe Cocker in The Woodlands. I had already spent a good portion of the US Treasury on various sorts of junk food, even though I have been trying to lose some weight. During intermission I was leaning against a long concrete wall at the back of our seat section with my popcorn and drink and was relaxing, while leaning against the wall. Now this wall is several hundred feet long and I was somewhat alone, meaning there were no people near me for twenty or thirty feet to either side. I had propped my right foot against the wall with my leg bent, putting slight pressure against the rubber sole of my shoe which kinda kept my foot stuck against the wall. I was in a very comfortable position minding my own business, when a young woman crowded right next to me, touching my elbow with hers and really, really invaded my space!
“Why doesn’t this women stand a few feet away from me” I wondered.
She then turned her head and asked me “what ya doin’?”
I said “I’m just standin’ here enjoying my snack and watchin’ people”
She responded back with various bits of chit chat and then she asked me, “why ya’ standin’ here with your foot again the wall?” I responded that it was a comfortable position and it relaxed my back and leg.
The whole time this woman kept invading my space while actually touching my arm with hers and even if I would move over a slight bit she kept pursuing me. Finally after about two minutes of this she starts hollerin’ at people passing by “hey, we got the pose…hey everybody we got the pose!”
Well, needless to say when she started in with this “WE” business of hollering at people and had already made me very uncomfortable by invading my space, I soon began to realize this woman had drank one too many adult beverages. I soon cut and ran as I made my way back toward my seat hoping this goof ball wouldn’t follow me.
Well all in all, the concert scene has now produced two incidents of women invading my space and really, really causing me discomfort, but it has in fact made two more good stories in my life. The concert was great and in case you’re wondering, yes Joe Cocker has aged. All of us have. He is 68-years-old. I just hope in the next few years when I return to another concert that some women doesn’t ask me if I want to buy any Geritol, because by then I will barely be able to stay up after dark.
Clifford
