I know of some people who probably do not believe in wuppins, but the truth be told, most people my age have had a few in our lifetime and the world seemed to be a place with a lot less bad behavior than it appears now.

Here is a recap of a few methods. The Momma’s Wild Arm Spank. This is the process whereby a mother is in a panic mode. She is crying inside that her child was almost hurt or injured, happy they were not, mad at the child, glad the child is theirs, mad at herself for being mad and swinging her arm at full length toward the tiny hiney. This method administers a minor amount of pain, but more fear because the mother is usually hollering while spanking and she may be crying, too!

Clothes Too Thick Spank. This spanking is a series of short strokes of the arm and hand and does nothing to the child, but generally causes Mama’s hand to hurt and turn red.

The Cloth Shoe or Cloth Belt Spank. This is solely an emotional spanking by mothers. It does nothing to create an even minor pain to the receiver and makes young boys sometimes laugh behind Mama’s back. Now, getting caught laughing is a more serious offense. It’s best if you scream and yell with fake pain instead of getting caught. Falling on the floor and wriggling around and slobbering while she is spanking you appeases her emotions as she thinks her cloth shoe is having a major impact on your behavior. If you get caught laughing, you will probably get the next method.

The Switch. The switch is probably the most effective tool mothers can apply. They cause a real sting, but should generally be applied only to older children. It keeps the boys from laughing behind her back.

Daddies have a special method. Quite frankly, their method is extremely painful and while I may have forgotten some of my Mom’s spankings, I can just about tell you that I never did forget my daddy’s. The special method my dad applied is what I nicknamed the Roundhouse. The Roundhouse did not mean we ran “round the house” with him chasing me. No, siree! I did not run. When my dad applied a spanking it was done with his belt properly applied to my hiney. But of course, my human reflexes made me dance and jump around so when he administered the wuppin’ he would hold me under my left arm pit and as he spanked me I would go round and round as he followed me each and every jump with another contact. Usually it was three or four good spats and it was over. Because I sometimes felt like I was on a very unpleasant merry-go-round I named it The Roundhouse.

Invoking the Lord’s name while being spanked does not lessen the impact of a spanking. It does not cause an already religious mom to become any more religious. It may have actually ruined my concept because the Bible does state that to spare the rod spoils the child.

There was one spanking that I remember real well that was provided by my mom. I don’t even remember what we got into trouble for, but my brother and I were both receiving behavior modification from her. As she was processing the punishment, I remember trying to invoke the Lord into the punishment. She had already spanked me and I was crying and then it was my brother’s turn.

As the process on him began I remember falling over his body with my body and hollering something like “Jesus help us,” hoping she would not be so hard on us, but all I can remember is her repeating back to me right away “you better ask Jesus to help you” and she steadily kept right on with the punishment. I guess my attempt to interject Jesus into the picture caused her to recall the scripture I mentioned above.

A few of my friends have contacted me with their own versions of spankings and I will save them for later stories. As I said in the beginning, most everyone my age has received a few in our lifetimes and I for one was made a much better man. There is not one time that I ever remember receiving a spanking for doing something I really didn’t deserve.

Clifford

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