Let me tell you, IT WAS HOT TODAY! I would work a while and then rest a while. Work a while and rest a while. I drank plenty of water but when I got through I was plum tuckered out!

I stopped at Tractor Supply in Brenham on my way home, and as I entered the store I noticed an unusual smell. Usually the store smells like cattle feed, which is a pleasant smell to me, but today the place was rank. Everywhere I walked that smell kept following me. As I approached the check out stand I suddenly realized the smell was coming from me! I stunk to high heaven! (Wherever that is). I told the young lady at the counter that if I don’t watch out, the hogs are gonna be runnin’ me down. I was the one that was rank, not the store! I got home and enjoyed a long hot shower before starting this story.

It Made me think back to my days as a former smoker. I’m glad I quit! I was also thinking about the time me and a family member named Glen took a trip to the ranch, and we got on the topic of smoking.  I decided to take Glen with me, hoping to educate him on the fine art of fence repairs.

Glen and I left at about 7 a.m. on a Saturday morning, enjoying the ride towards Independence, Texas.  On our way, we enjoyed normal conversation between men, which is half truth and the rest is bull corn. As we traveled down Hwy 290 towards Hempstead, Glen told me he wanted to quit smoking.

Glen was 20 years old then and he has been smoking several years. I could relate. I used to smoke myself. I started smoking when I was about 14 years old. As the conversation carried on, he promptly told me the manner in which he intended to quit. By having his tongue pierced. He told me having his tongue pierced would cause abnormal pain and strange sensations to his mouth, which would result in the eventual elimination of his habit.

Of course, I told him I thought it was a stupid idea. If he really wanted to quit, why didn't he just let me drive a nail through his lips with a claw hammer or I could stretch his lips on a table and hammer on them with a hammer once or twice a week and I'm sure it would help him break the habit.

We laughed and began sharing smoking stories. He told me of the time he almost got caught. He was desperate for a cigarette but didn't have a lighter or matches. He removed the screen from his window and plugged in the electric iron. As he hung half way out the window with this iron stuck to his face desperately trying to light his smoke somebody could be heard coming around the corner. He saved himself but we both laughed about his potential "hot lips."

If young boys begin smoking, they usually think they are above being caught. I started smoking while camping on Spring Creek. We started out with grapevines but soon we were able to afford Bugler tobacco and papers. As we got older we began to buy the real cigarettes.

When boys first start smoking, our mental capacity seems to leave us. We tend to believe the smoke and the smell can be channeled away from the senses of our parents.

For a while I used to sit in a big cedar tree near the pond and smoke while perched on a tree limb.  Anybody wanting to see could realize this tree had smoke billowing from the trunk! As winter time would set in, I would go into the bathroom of the house and smoke. On clear days I would simply open the windows and the screen and hang halfway out the window, not realizing the smoke was being drafted right back into the house every time somebody would open one of the doors.

I guess the stupidest trick, however, was during the cold winter time. It was too frigid to open the windows so I went to the commode. I would open the commode lid and drape a bath towel over my head. I would blow the smoke into the water and promptly flush the toilet, expecting the swirl of the water to drag the smoke and smell down into the septic tank.

I would have probably been in a lot of trouble if Mom or Dad would have caught me but I also believe they would have cracked up laughing while tanning my hide! Can you imagine seeing someone with their head sticking in the commode and a towel draped over their head with water swirling around! I'm sure they would have held back the laughs long enough to punish me.

I haven’t seen Glen in a while. I just hope he quits. I did!

Clifford

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