For whatever reason, we men seem to stay in trouble with the womenfolk in our lives. It appears there may occasionally be justification for such problems, but a lot of times we get in trouble because we have done the right thing! Let me explain.

I know a guy who has tried to stop smoking. Now, that is a good thing to do, but when you get to be his age, it becomes difficult. Slipping back into a bad habit is very easy to do. The act of withdrawal can make one irritable and many times people may stop and start numerous times before they can effectively quit.

This guy is struggling and on occasion he has slipped back into the habit. He is also besieged with other health problems such as back and hip pain. One day, he was struggling with the need to smoke when his wife took it upon herself to remove all tobacco from the home. This seemed to work, but then the urge would overcome the willpower.

This process went on back and forth until the time came in his life when he became confined to a walker due to his back problems. His mobility is now very limited and, once again, the house has been cleared of any tobacco. He got the urge one day to smoke and, of course, there was no tobacco in the home.

His ability to go buy his own smokes is now hampered, so he asked his wife to get him some tobacco. She refused and a family discussion ensued. Back and forth they discussed his smoking habit and finally in frustration his wife did what so many women in life do.

She threw up her hands and made an off-the-cuff remark.

“Fine, if you want something to smoke just go get it yourself,” knowing full well he could not drive and could barely walk due to his back condition. She felt she had won the battle and headed out the door to work.

Well, what women do not understand about us guys is that we take a woman at her word. What she says is what we do! So, a few short hours later it was reported back to her by a family member that she had seen this guy making his way across a busy highway with tobacco in hand! The cars were at a standstill as he struggled to drag himself from one side of a four-lane road to the other with walker steadily in tow.

Okay, okay, I understand that his actions were pretty bad but…he had his wife’s permission to do this, so why should she be mad at him? All the guy did was exactly what she told him to do! This is a very plain case where a man gets into trouble for doing something he was told to do!

The next occurrence happened to me. I got into trouble for not doing something I was asked to do because I have been married long enough to know that if I had obeyed, I would still be in trouble. Let me explain.

I went grocery shopping with my wife. I have learned to go gather my few items I want and walk around the store and catch up with her and place them in her basket. Last week she sent me on a mission because I had been harassing her. (I can’t help it when I accidentally wolf whistled at her while she is walking in front of me, but she got upset that I was aggravating her in the store.)

She placed the basket in my hand and handed me a list. My first error occurred when I knocked down an aisle display in front of Mrs. Betty and Carol, whom we saw in the store.

I then began studying the list. Buns, 1 chip/dip, Cokes, paper plates, cups. This seemed simple enough, but after studying and studying the list I knew that I was doomed. I have been married long enough to know that this list was one of those “figure out what I am thinking” list. You guys know what I mean. “Stare into my brain and figure out what I am really trying to say.”

The task at hand was an impossible mission. There was no way that I could complete that list without getting into trouble.

Buns. Big ones, little ones with seeds, without seeds, this brand, that brand. Which ones do I get? Chips and Dips. What kind? What flavor? What brand? Paper plates and cups. Flimsy plates or hard plates. Paper or plastic. Cups. How large, Styrofoam or plastic?

I made a choice. Either get into trouble for buying all these groceries and getting the wrong things or buy nothing and wait for her to catch up. I chose the latter.

I got into trouble.

Clifford

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