I know a lot of people and among many of my acquaintances are preachers from many denominations. Since churches are made up of human beings, I also know that preachers have seen a lot of funny events in their lifetime and many of them have not shared their stories. I’ve always been one for a good belly laugh every now and then, so I have asked several of them to share their stories with me and allow them to go to print.

The next story is written by a very good friend of mine who shall remain nameless, but the entire story is not his alone. I told this story about ten years ago in a previous article, but this particular pastor has brought it back to my recollections. He wrote much of this story, but I have injected my own comments at the end. The reason I feel very comfortable about my enhancement to this particular story is because I had a very, very good view of the whole event. Actually, my pastor friend is being kind to me and took a little heat off me because this particular event was a major embarrassment for me. Yes, we laughed but I was also embarrassed. Read on…

Over 30 years ago I assumed pastorate of a church which had some strong clothing rules.  Modesty was a virtue, they said, so on a trip to Schlitterbahn the boys were told to wear T-shirts and cut offs, and the girls were told to wear shirts over their swim suits, and preferably cutoffs as well.

A lady who was not a member of the church asked if she and her daughter could join on the trip. She agreed that she and her daughter would dress like the others, even though she was told she didn’t have to. Naturally, the excessive clothing drew some unwanted attention to the little group. My sister forgot to pack a swimsuit, so she decided she would just throw on a heavy blouse and no one would know the difference.

She jumped in a tube to start a new ride and hit a good blast of water at the first fall. Lying on her back on the tube, eyes closed catching sun, floating along with a group of very modestly dressed kids; people on the bridge overhead began laughing and pointing.

Only then did she realize the first blast of water had popped the top buttons of her blouse and yanked it across her chest, exposing something for the world to see.  The rest of her was modestly clothed, though.

Okay…this is Clifford again. You get the picture, but here’s the rest of the story. To better describe her outfit, the blouse had a white band of wide cloth that ran from the shoulder area down to the waist area on the opposite side. In other words the band of cloth went from shoulder to waist across her chest. There was a row of buttons that ran down the center of this band of cloth. It gave the appearance of a sash much like a pageant participant would wear. If you have ever been on the tube shoots at Schlitterbahn, you know that in order to float on an inner tube you are floating on your back.

I was directly in front of this lady as we rounded a curve of swift water. When I looked back I kept seeing the water run over the top of this lady and an extra button kept appearing every time the water would hit her. I see it and then the cloth flaps back and the button is gone. I see it again then the flap closes and the button disappears. I was wearing glasses so I thought the water was distorting my vision. As she got closer I soon realized this button was not a button at all!!! I was shocked! I quickly grabbed another lady in the group to help her as I quickly paddled away. We all laugh about this from time to time and she has jokingly accepted her new nickname,“Buttons.”

Clifford

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